Driving oh driving in KL….

Hypothesis: Driving is the best way to develop your soft skills.

Assumption: You’re not driving a Kancil. Its that dude who just overtook your car who is driving a Kancil.

Subject: You

Independent Variable: Which lane are you driving on? Emergency lane? Speeding lane? Middle lane?

Dependent Variable (basically what you can expect as a reaction): Comes in the following packages:

In short, its you, doing the following to your car:

A. A modified, super laser beam lights flashing incessantly

B. Joining forces by modifying your car (label – mind you, the interior is still the same) Mitsubishi Lancer, or with high spoiler which looks utterly ridiculous but cuts through like a barb wire

C. A violent stare

D. or simply, the stickers sticking out of the back window, those “You kiss, you pay”, “Honk if horny”, “I’m fat, you’re ugly, but I can diet”, “Don’t follow me, I’m lost too” stuff etc.

Conclusion: you guessed it, you’ll develop the following soft-skills:

1. Anger management

2. Communication skills (sms, borak2)

3. Karaoke (good for meeting clients!)

4. Saving money – coz you use the time to collect coins which you dropped from paying tolls

5. Preening/Beauty skills – facial area – or if ur lucky, the unsightly view of ppl picking their nose

6. Motor Reflex – when you almost hit that car in front of you, or when you miss the red light (don’t say you’re colour blind), or you suddenly need to switch lanes and u forgot to signal

Also includes motorsikal reflex.

Chance of error: You’re driving a Kancil, which means the hypothesis doesn’t apply to you.

LESSON: BE A RESPONSIBLE DRIVER, PLEASE!

Check out the following blogger’s accurate description:

http://simontalks.com/2005/04/29/9-classes-of-malaysian-drivers/

Class 1
Royalty and ministers in their motorcades, with the usual 20 police outriders.
The outriders go ahead of the black Mercedes/Rolls Royce to clear traffic first, failure to do so can be suicidal. The VIP motorcade usually consists of many cars, (as you know car-pooling is an offence), all with hazard lights switched on. Make NO mistake, everyone must give way.
Tell-tale signs – colourful registration plates, small flag on front bumper, black-tint windows, opportunistic losers trying to tag along behind motorcade to beat traffic.

Class 2
Police cars, ambulance, fire engines and other emergency vehicles.
Since lives are stake here, everyone willingly gives way. In bumper to bumper traffic, they will squeeze between lanes or on the road shoulder. However, please note, they are NOT the highest class, they are to give way to Class 1 above (I’ve seen this happen before).
Tell-tale signs – wailing sirens, usually on main roads.

Class 3
Bus drivers, lorry drivers and taxi drivers
Commands the highest right of way among civilians. Never, ever trifle with them.

Class 4
Businessmen, politicians, tycoons, CEOs in their limousines.
Big cars, usually Mercedes, BMW and Volvo. Since their time is far more important than ours, they MUST have the right of way.
Tell-tale signs – Number plate with single digit or 8888, found on the roads after 9am or before 5pm. ‘Ahmat’ driver wearing uniform, usually doubles-up as bodyguard/assassin.

Class 5A
Rich man, contractor boss, spare-part shop boss, etc.
Usually drives his own luxury car (Civic, Perdana, Sonata) or SUV (X-Trail, Pajero). Cuts in and out of traffic like they own the road. Usually born without the ability to patiently queue up. Glares at you or show the ‘finger’ if you, in any way, appear to slow you down.
Tell-tale signs – Cutting queue at toll or traffic jams, always talking on hands-free, smartly dressed, gold chain & bracelet, etc.

Class 5B
Wife of Class 4 or 5A above.
Same as the above, but drives CRV, RAV4, Rexton, Matrix, etc. Makes appearance at non-peak hours in suburbs only.
Tell-tale signs – Unbelievely arrogant on the road, uses horn at every little instant, wears Valentino sunglasses and upside-down jacket on their arms.

Class 6
Mat racers and Ah Beng racers.
Mat racers (in their modified Wira/Iswara) and their Chinese counterparts (in their loud Honda Civic/City VTEC) are well documented in my earlier post.
Tell-tale signs – you know, the usual. Black rims, boot lettering removed, loud techno music on stereo, muffler, black fake leather seats, car sticker like RECARO, HKS, Tuned by RAZO, Sparco, etc. Usually found at night.

Class 7
Motorbikes.
I hate it when they horn at you whenever they have to brake. Will squeeze and snake around your cars as if every inch of space is worth millions. Most liable to scratch your car or break your side mirrors.

Class 8
Uncles and Pakciks.
Driving old beat-up cars, as if they’re on an evening drive on the beach. On the right lane. Never responds even if you horn or flash. When you overtake and glare at them, they pretend not to see you.
Tell-tale signs – They still think they are driving in Bentong in the sixties. Eyesight not fit for driving more than 12 years ago.

Class 9
Poor, law-abiding, bottom feeders like you and me.